Breathing into the setting sun

 Dear X, 

Today I miss you, but I ignore the whispers of melancholy tugging my sleeve. I remember your presence, like it's a soft breeze grazing my thighs. I remember your grounding force, culling my anxiety. Perhaps I'm still clinging to the idea of you, I don't know, but I have become more open to men, to the world in these past days. You'd have been proud. This year has been one of losses for you and for me. But also one of homecoming, of deeper sensibilities, of touching the quantum realms we created. 

I don't know where you are, but this force today beckons me to your breath; You touched the scientist, the seer, and the poet at once. You touched my raw, frozen beauty and thawed it into its becoming. The kiss in the cab, the moment on the beach at sunset, are seared into my code. The music splattered in every nook of our memories. And that was just the tip of it all. 

You mirrored the wounded little girl in the full arc of her glaring imperfections. Wounds she had run from for years. A true karmic soldier, you sent me packing deep through the wooded adventures of my soul. It is here I  speak from, my love. Even as I realize that your love is but a mirage, I fell in love with the reflection of moonlight in a mirror, for how could I not? We sojourned lifetimes of frolic, passion, and play and I recall your lips meeting mine in all of them. Our poetry scorched the sun, and passion abashed the skies. I felt your every move, breath, and unspoken word, like the fragrance of a flower. 

I hope you're happy, my love, and that you adventure your life away as always. We may have had a relationship of longing, one of anxious-avoidance, a karmic continuation driven by patterns we inherited from our dear overbearing fathers. I may not fully understand why we're not together when we see each other clearly as we do, but I know you want the best for me in your own way, and with that belief, I'm saying goodbye and releasing you. May the music always follow you.