As always, I'll start by saying how words fail me. I often fuse fear with desire, and this jumbled concoction is powerful, strange and stings.

I feel like I keep leaving my heart up in the air, in my sleeve for others to catch, and I'm tired.. a bit weary of this tug of hearts. Of holding space for it all, I have limited space, in unlimited space.

For so long, I've run. From myself, from something inside that shows me but a veil of the truth it covers. Through thsi all though, my intuition has botten a bit louder, and I'm happy for that. Whata is this ?!! This strange voice that whispers of surity, or numbers and months, it's all around us. Within us, and beyond us at once.. can it really be we're swirling masses of energy that's focused as us in this dimension ? It would support the tring theory and this mad world.. 

And now I think I know what I feared, and I know where this is going.. sigh...

I do know that I'll be where I'm meant to be.. That as sad as it is, I'm not responsible for the lives of others.. I'm indeed lucky to have another life here.. and I'm learning my pattern from a different vantage point if nothing. Evolution won't follow linear paths, so it's okay. You can be in the same place twice, but 20 times/? I don't know about that. 

And so I fear.. I fear that this will be a fight I have to wield. It could also, be a beautiful balance if there's understanding and patience. If I stand up for myself... but it could also blend into something with fire, passion growth, and adventure.. we see each other, and stay. we take bold risks, we live, we fight, we make up, we believe, we trust, and we love fiercely. Each other and the people around us. we make each other better and we support each other and have common goals.. we crush them, we make love like it's a 

As the voice of the audience grows, the light on them does too.. amd in that moment I see clearly.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Breathing into the setting sun

 Dear X,  Today I miss you, but I ignore the whispers of melancholy tugging my sleeve. I remember your presence, like it's a soft breeze grazing my thighs. I remember your grounding force, culling my anxiety. Perhaps I'm still clinging to the idea of you, I don't know, but I have become more open to men, to the world in these past days. You'd have been proud. This year has been one of losses for you and for me. But also one of homecoming, of deeper sensibilities, of touching the quantum realms we created.  I don't know where you are, but this force today beckons me to your breath; You touched the scientist, the seer, and the poet at once. You touched my raw, frozen beauty and thawed it into its becoming. The kiss in the cab, the moment on the beach at sunset, are seared into my code. The music splattered in every nook of our memories. And that was just the tip of it all.  You mirrored the wounded little girl in the full arc of her glaring imperfections. Wounds she h...
Read more

The diaspora within

   I promised I'd write today - and here I'm. Dripping melancholy from rejuvenating veins. A quiet, austere knowing in my bones, in my breath. New understandings have arisen from shedding skin, sweat, and invisible blood.  One moment I'm rushing to the A train, wind whistling in my hair, music blaring in my ears. I walk past the doggy day care center, I used to work here. I love Chase, and little Izzy. They see me through the window and make a commotion that would drive wolves away, and I smile. I walk ahead and see the farmer's market, and enjoy a blueberry pie, freshly baked ; one I usually devoured in a single sitting. Lovers and families graze around the place and each other on a warm summer's day. Winter was brutal, but watching legs that don't end in shorts that blind the bare eye is almost worth it. A bakery at the end of the street is lit up for no real reason save the regality of lavishness sparking the passerby's eye. The crisp air weaves a tapestr...
Read more